How Grief Affects Physical Health

SPEAKER_00 0:00

The following is for informational purposes only. For medical advice, please see a medical professional.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Welcome to Staying and Live with Margaret and Susie. Yes, welcome. Hey Susie. Hi. Hi. Today's an interesting episode, I think, because um it's it's on grief, but specifically how it impacts physical health. And um the re the way we came up with this, like Susie and I recently had a good friend uh die, and she had a partner, a husband of more than 50 years who is also our friend. And I happened to be talking to him, asking him, How are you doing? And he said, I'm being really careful to make sure that I keep the same exact routine I had before my wife died because I want to make sure it doesn't impact my physical health. And and it could slip away.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

It could slip away very easily.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

That was a reminder to me of wow, when somebody dies or when we have a major loss, when we're grieving, we're very aware of our psychological um impact that we're we're we're aware that we're sad, we're feeling emotional, and when we're feeling that way, um we might not feel like getting out of bed.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

We might not feel like we might not feel like eating or exercising.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

We might feel like drinking or doing drinking right, feel like drinking.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

And when my mom died, I felt like somebody hit me in the stomach. You know, I mean, it was a physical thing for me, and I had to really try to get out and walk and do things, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

And that's great that you did try to do that because some people kind of use it as uh a rationalization to say, I'm not doing anything, I'm gonna stay in bed and eat ice cream all day for for months because my mom just died, you know, and and it might seem like a fair rationalization, but that that doesn't work well. It doesn't hurt doesn't help you. You know, I was thinking of just recently was Dolly Parton. Do you remember uh, you know, who just died recently, a beloved singer in the United States, and and she was the caregiver for her husband who died, I believe it was cancer. Yeah, yeah, like a year before, yeah. And when she came out to her fans to say she was sick, she said, My doctor told me it's because I did, and I'll admit it, I didn't do anything to take care of myself for the entire year I was caring for him. No, we we think we caught it in time to turn it around because I've got some major stuff now. I think we're we're it's gonna be okay. And then a couple weeks later she was dead.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Yeah, a lot of times and couples who've been married for a long time, you'll find that a person passes away and sometimes the other person passes shortly after that. Yeah, yeah. And it's there's there's something such as broken heart syndrome, you know. Yes, and who knows what really causes that. Um I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

And and then for longer term, there's something that the doctors are now calling prolonged grief. They kind of basically just determine like more than six months where the person just hasn't gotten back to their normal routine life. And and so it as they're studying it, as we think about it, we know that prolonged grief, as they're calling it, is no different than any other kind of chronic stress. And we've told you guys before how to how to deal with chronic stress. Uh, because uh as with that, with prolonged grief, what happens is that our immune system is immediately impacted. And our immune system when it's in overload with the stress, it actually lowers our antiviral defenses, making us more vulnerable to viruses and even and that includes cancer. And so it affects our genetic code.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

We need to do the exact same things we would do uh in any other stressful situation in in taking care of our bodies and well, I think too, Margaret, there's nothing wrong with asking for a little help, maybe a counselor, um, maybe your doctor, you know, my some people take an antidepressant. I mean, you know, there there are things that you can do medically to kind of help you bounce back a little bit. But yeah, but and everybody's different, you know. I mean, some people grieve differently.

SPEAKER_02 5:11

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the things that um decrease inflammation in our body and decrease the stress response in our body are the same as Susie's been been teaching all along about diet and exercise and hydration and all those things. And so those are the things that we we want you to focus on if you're impacted by by grief. We want you to focus on those things. And and I have to say, from my personal experience, when I think back to when I got my cancer, which was at the end of 2020, and I think about the like the tsunami of effect that um first first there was uh COVID-19. And so um my yoga studio was shut down, my body workers weren't taking any people, I couldn't go to the gym, uh, I was afraid to even kind of walk with friends because we weren't quite sure how it was spread at that point. I was hoping not to get it. And then uh in in June of that year, my mother died, and I couldn't go to the funeral, I couldn't go on the plane, I um it was I couldn't say goodbye to her, we couldn't have a funeral, everything was shut down from COVID, and then there was like a major um I don't know if people would remember this. There was there was a major weird um, it was a huge fire season, and that was the year that you can look up like pictures of California where um where the sky was orange. I don't know if you remember that. I remember the shoes, yeah. And so I couldn't even like go out, go out to the park and hug a tree because it like it was not safe to be outside. And so what was I doing? Like baking a lot of sugary food and eating a lot and drinking and drinking a lot of alcohol.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

I did, you know, and drinking a lot of alcohol. I was I was making cookies at 10 o'clock at night. I found my solace in in the alcohol sales went way up during COVID. Yes, yeah, people were really having a hard time coping. And suddenly at the end of 2020, I had a lump.

SPEAKER_02 7:34

And I was like, what? How's this possible? I've had this like incredible diet my whole life, and da-da-da. And sure enough, and so like I'll never know in retrospect how that factored in to my body starting to replicate cancer cells. But to me, it was a a word of caution that uh or an experience where now I will never again do anything to put my body at increased risk. And so I no matter what, no mat you know, because because grief happens, Susie and I are at an age where like we we've gotten to an age now where we are losing love loved ones and such. We might be grieving every week for the rest of the world. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

It seems like we've been to two memorials in the last month, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

Yeah, so so we we can we can stay connected. Like, luckily, the pandemic is out of the woods enough that I can be out in nature and and hug a tree. Like Susie's out in the garden, our friends who have gardens, they're all like out in the garden, and and and my husband's become a bird watcher, and we're staying connected with people, we're we're doing our exercise every day, we're figuring out how to get our sleep, we're we're reviewing our foods that decrease inflammation, we're staying, you know, we're just doing everything we can ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

It's important too to say, you know, when my mother passed away, she would never talk about what she wanted for a funeral, for her, you know, anything. Never wanted to talk about it. And I think it's important that people in relationships, like if you're married or have a partner or children, tell them what you want and plan a little bit. And I think that that helps with some of the grieving process because if you're a a child of someone who passes away and you don't know what they wanted, then you've got to plan everything around what you think they might have wanted. Yeah, and believe me, I learned the hard way. That's very stressful. My mother would not talk about it, and my family kind of fell apart and it wasn't good.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

So so what you're telling folks is that we might not be on the receiving end of the grief, but we know our loved ones will be, and there are things that we can do to make it easy. Make it easy.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Just make it easy for them. You know, first of all, have a healthcare power of attorney, maybe have an advanced directive. I know our hospital was really pushing those, and you can actually go to the clinic and and actually someone helps you ride it, you know, uh things like that, because it just really takes some of the burden off of your loved ones who are gonna be grieving.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

Yeah, yes, they will be. And um, I mean, hey, Susie and I are both moms and we're really close with our kids. So, hey, they're gonna be grieving, Susie. Like our kids are gonna be grieving so bad when we're gone. But like, really, I think the best thing that we can do is the way we model our lives. It's like, you know, as our parents have have have passed and such, uh, by the time my dad died, I was no longer drinking. I was like, I I'd learned my lesson with my mom. And so when my dad passed three years later, I was like squeaky clean in terms of diet, exercise, doing everything. And and we're modeling those life lifestyles for our loved ones too. And and that's really the best we can do.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

It really's funny, you know, as a grandparent, you know, the old the old adage was, oh, go to grandma's house and she'll give you all the sugar you want, you know. That doesn't happen in my house. I'm like anyway.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

No, it doesn't.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

No.

SPEAKER_02 11:31

Good for you, good for you.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Anyway, yeah, I think go grief is grief is not fun, and grief can be of anything, you know. You don't necessarily have to lose a loved one, you can lose a relationship, you can go through a hard thing with a child or a partner, you can lose your democracy, you can lose your democracy. It's like you can lose your job.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

People are grieving so much, right? I feel like I'm so many feeling.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

I feel like I'm grieving, yeah. Yeah, in the last two years.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

I'm kind of tired of it too. Yeah, you know, I'm ready to stop grieving for them.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

But in the meantime, we are doing all the good things to do. Take care of yourself to keep our physical bodies in in optimal condition so that we we can roll with these punches as they come and we're doing it, yeah. And so I think that's all we want to say today. Yes, I think we care about you. So take care of yourself and ourselves until next time.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Here we are, it's alive.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

You've been listening to Staying Alive with Margaret and Susie. This show is hosted by Margaret Cooley and Susie Hymas. To subscribe to our show, leave a comment, or ask a question, please visit staying alive with margaretandsus.com. Our podcast is available on all major podcast platforms. If you've enjoyed our program, please feel free to leave us a five star review. Thanks for listening.